Sorting Things Out
Looking back I saw that despite Alex putting on a brave front, that his father's death deeply affected him. His grandmother then passed away nearly two years later. This is how the enemy got him to fall. I am only telling this story in order to warn people so that they might avoid the same trap. Alex would want me to tell it.
Alex got a muscular injury to his arm when overstressing it at work. He then started Physical Therapy for his arm. His therapist was a man of his same age that was from Canada so they had a lot in common. One day this therapist brought Alex some homemade liquor and gave it to him as a gift.
It's true that former addicts should never even take one sip of alcohol. Alex didn't go looking for alcohol, it came to him. He took the bait and drank the homemade liquor. This was a huge mistake. They do not call alcohol "spirits" for nothing. Alex found this somehow numbed his emotional pain for a while so he began secretly drinking now and then when he went back to Canada to visit his mother and sister. It didn't take long for demons to come back into him due to this. It all began with him coming down with terrible anxiety. It was so bad that he was having panic attacks and disrupted sleep. Because his sleep was disrupted, my sleep was disrupted. I had to work a full time job in order to support us because he could no longer work a job. Being tired and desperate for sleep I encouraged him to go to our local family doctor for help. I was at his appointment when he asked the doctor for Valium and she refused to prescribe it telling him it was too dangerous. She offered to put him on a strong anti-histamine for sleep. He refused and sought out another doctor. The next doctor tried to prescribe him a plethora of drugs such as Lithium and Risperdal, but he wasn't interested in taking that either. I then suggested that he try the local Mental Health clinic.
This was a horrible mistake on my part because they prescribed him Benzodiazepines for his anxiety. Neither he nor I knew how addictive these substances were, until it was too late. These drugs also have nasty side effects. He began to lose weight due to not eating much of anything, then he told me that he started to get suicidal thoughts. Neither one of us wanted to go down this route again so we both decided that he needed to wean off of these Benzodiazepines. The withdraw side effects were a nightmare. We later found out that the withdraws from Benzodiazepines (Ativan, Clonazepam, Valium etc.), is worse than withdrawal from heroin. We tried to get him entered into a detox program but we were turned down by every program because they find that detoxing someone from Benzodiazepines is too high of a liability due to the risk of death during detox. However, if it were any other drug, even heroin or alcohol etc., he would have been taken into any detox program. We weren't told this when he was given the drug in the first place. What kind of hellish drug was this?
Devils started manifesting in him and they even told me, "We've been waiting around for three and a half years to come back and we finally got him, and we got him good!" They laughed at me and said, "You will never get your husband back!" How very cruel demons are. Come to find out they were very humiliated three and a half years ago about being kicked out. Meanwhile the detox withdrawals were horrible. Alex wasn't getting any sleep and his bodily pain left him in agony. He was weaning himself about one milligram a week. It was pure torture. He was having nightmares every single night during the very little sleep he actually got.
I was so concerned about the torture he was going through that I arranged for him to go see the same deliverance minister that helped him with his big breakthrough three and a half years ago. I fasted for four and a half days straight before our trip to go see Jay Bartlett. On our drive there Alex looked at me and said, "I think this is my last chance."
I had been talking to Jay's assistant Ron in the weeks before the deliverance conference. Ron met us the evening before. I remember bringing Alex into Ron's hotel room. Ron then offered to pray for Alex and wanted him to take communion. Alex refused to do it saying that it was too late for him and that he was convinced that he could not be forgiven. No matter how much Ron tried to reason with Alex he would not budge. I didn't know where this was coming from. Why did he travel all the way up there and then insist that he just cannot be saved? I was upset and Ron was upset.
I was reminded of how stubborn Alex was the very first time I even took him for deliverance when a man named Scott wanted him to take communion as well, and he refused back then because he said he could not forgive himself. I realized that this was the common thread through all the difficulties we had the entire time he went for deliverance. Russ Dizdar said it was self hatred and it was one of his split personalities that was a backdoor for demons to get into him. Pat Holliday had also said that he had multiple personality disorder and one of them was a personality of self hatred. I recalled that after she did deliverance with him she asked him if he felt forgiven and he said, "partially." Well, God doesn't partially forgive people. It was he who never forgave himself. Ron just could not get through to Alex, so we left. I was hoping that a miracle would happen the next day at the deliverance conference.
When the time finally came for the deliverance conference Alex went up front although the demons in him were reluctant. The demons were ordered that Alex be allowed to walk forward. As he walked forward his legs looked like they were made of lead, but he eventually made it. People in the crowd were kind of shocked because some of them recognized him from previous conferences and couldn't understand why he'd be in this state. Then Jay rebuked a spirit he called "The King of Destruction", and ordered it to come out of him. He told it that it could not have his soul or his body. The spirits got very upset when they were told that they could not have his body. I guess them not being able to have his soul was a given due to him belonging to Jesus even though he fell into sin. But, they had a foothold on his body that they didn't want to lose.
Alex was able to gain relief from this demon and the next day we left to go home. I thought that would be the end of it, only he wasn't done weaning off of the Benzodiazepines, he had around seven milligrams left to wean off of. But, he decided to go "cold turkey" off the rest of the drug which was a really dangerous thing to do. We were between a rock and a hard place. We didn't want to let the demons to have any open doors to come back in by drug use we reasoned. Not only that, these drugs were the start of the suicidal thoughts. No one had persuaded us either way on the subject. It was our own disastrous decision for him to go "cold turkey".
When we came home I decided to throw out the rest of his pills since he decided to go off them cold turkey. But, he caught me and said not to throw them out and just to put them back in the medicine cabinet and to trust him. So I reluctantly I did that. Then only about a week or so later I woke up one morning to see him sitting in the front doorway with the door wide open looking all spaced out. I asked him what was wrong with him and he looked at me sleepily saying, "I have to take a bath." Then he didn't move and just continued to sit there. I went to go check the cupboard and saw that he'd taken his whole bottle of pills that he had left over. I then immediately called for an ambulance. His sister Jackie just so happened to be visiting us that day. We were both very shocked that he did this. As a result of his overdose no doctor would prescribe him any drugs after this. So his "cold turkey" was now mandatory. He was a very high suicide risk at this point and I could not work my job and watch him 24/7 so he went to go stay with his mother and sister. That's when one day he tried to hang himself at their house. Fortunately he failed to do so as the rope wasn't tied well and came loose, so he fell knocking his head on the ground. He had a horrible rope burn around his neck and a big bruise on his head after that. He talked his family out of reporting the incident promising never to do it again. He told them he didn't want to jeopardize his Permanent Resident status in the United States if it was revealed he had a mental problem like this.
He came back to visit me during the days that I didn't have to work and I barely slept at night trying to keep watch over him. He told me some weird things. He said that he saw his father playing an accordion. But his father had passed away, so how could he see such a thing? I found out from his sister that his father used to play the accordion in his youth. I thought maybe he had a glimpse of his father in heaven. I hope it didn't mean that Alex was near death himself. Then in bed one night he said, "I see a bright light." Then I immediately rebuked a spirit of death saying it could not take him. He later fell asleep, then upon waking he told me about a dream he had.
He said that he was watching a man that looked just like him. The man ran into a ten story building and then jumped off the top floor and fell to his death on the ground. He was astonished to see a man that looked like himself dead on the ground and then everyone pointed to him and said, "You did it!" Then he looked shocked and told them, "No, I didn't do it!" I thought to myself, is this what being multiple personality or dissociative identity is like?
Well, that dream came to pass when the next time he went to his mother's house I got a call from his sister saying that he had hung himself, and this time he wasn't breathing. This time he actually died. I have always wondered if he really didn't kill himself. Did a demon do it, or only a fragment of his personality do it? Because the last time I saw him when his sister came to pick him up to take him to Canada he promised me that I'd see him again. He had promised to come back.
Click here for next Chapter - Where did he go?