Where did he go?
After mulling over where we went wrong I began to wonder where Alex went? Did he make it to heaven or did he go to hell? I had always thought that anyone who kills themselves automatically went to hell no matter what. I wasn't going to deceive myself into thinking he went to heaven if he didn't. I certainly didn't want to mislead people thinking that it's okay to kill yourself because you'd make it to heaven anyway. But from a theological perspective, doesn't the blood of Jesus cover all our sins? What if we sinned unintentionally? What if he really didn't kill himself but the demons killed him? In my search for Biblical answers I came across a video by John Fenn which I posted below. This got me to reconsider my views on this issue. Also, Pastor Ron called me and told me that he spoke with Pastor Jay about what happened and he told me that Jay said he was sure that Alex was in heaven now and that he's okay.
Finally, I got the nerve to ask God what the truth was. I didn't want to go by the opinion of a video or of people who wanted to make me feel better. I wanted to hear from God himself. I asked him where Alex was and if he was okay. Day after day I seemed to get no answer to my question. Finally I got exasperated with God and said, "If you won't tell me then show someone else what happened to Alex then have them tell me about it." Now that was a prayer God did answer. I realize today that the way God chose to answer that prayer was in order to show me that it wasn't my imagination, because I didn't see it in a dream or vision myself, so I could never tell myself that it was only my wishful thinking.
I posted this on July 2018 to Facebook:
Today I ventured up to visit my late husband's mother and sister who live an hour forty-five minutes from me over in another Country (Canada). It was the first time I have seen them since the funeral. The reason I went to see them was that I had made them a Memorial book of some of their son's best Facebook posts which were about God and any Facebook post where he put a picture of a relative and made loving comments about them. I put this special book together just for them. I felt so sorry for his mother who lost her husband (my husband's father) in 2015, then her mother (my husband's grandmother) in 2017, and now her son (my husband Alex), in May 2018. Then only a month later she had to get surgery for a Hernia. So today she told me the most amazing thing.
She is a very skeptical woman and doesn't tell tall tales. She said that the following day after surgery when she was still in the hospital and NOT on any drugs as she had absolutely refused any kind of pain killers and the anesthesia from the day before was completely gone by this next day. As alert as can be, she was looking out the doorway hoping the nurse would come in when all of a sudden she saw a vision of her son Alex with her husband standing next to him on one side and her mother on the other side of her son. She saw the three of them together just for a second. But, she saw it so vivid and clear she said. And she has NEVER seen any kind of vision before. She isn't the type to watch videos of other people's experiences, like I said she is a skeptic.
So I asked her what they looked like and with much surprise she said, "My husband looked younger!" And then she said they all looked younger. She was surprised that her mother didn't have gray hair at all. And even her 47 year old son (my husband Pedro) looked younger. And with a lot of astonishment she said, "And they looked so happy! I have never seen them look so happy." She said that she could not see her mother's face because her head was turned looking towards Alex and her husband. I asked what they were wearing and she said typical clothes like they would usually wear but was surprised that they were such vivid colors. I asked her how long she saw them and she said it was only for a second but it was absolutely clear, she could see them clearly. It wasn't some washed out misty picture. It was very clear. And that was it. Just a glance. No communication, no time to talk etc. Nothing like that. Just a vision.
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