I dreamed that I saw him curled up in the fetal position sitting in a dark cave all alone. I felt like this place was not even on earth but in some kind of other dimension. Then I came to him in that dark cave and he looked up at me as a destitute person with no hope at all with a sadness I can't even describe. Then I kissed him on the forehead and left.  This was my dream. After I woke up I was wondering if God was trying to tell me to pray for him. I wasn't exactly sure what to pray. As I pondered the dream a voice in my mind which wasn't audible but just like some kind of thought planted in my mind from the enemy told me something. It said simply these words to me, "He's dead." I thought for a moment, gee, I hope that's not true. But I had this feeling that he wasn't here on earth, but that he was in some other dimension.

 

Then all of a sudden I felt the strength and determination from I think the Holy Spirit, to make a declaration, "If he's dead, then I pray that he he's raised from the dead! He's raised from the dead right now in Jesus name!"  I said that with every ounce of my being and spoke it as an earth shattering truth in faith out of the love of God that doesn't want any to perish. After that I didn't think about it anymore and went on with life. 

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One day I sat at my computer and felt like I was going to hear from Alex again. I would usually erase all my junk emails if I didn't recognize the email address, but something stopped me, and I opened all my emails that day. And lo, and behold, Alex had sent me an email. He hadn't forgotten me after a few years had passed by. I guess I must have made an impression.

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He wrote to tell me that his girlfriend had left him suddenly some time back and that he relapsed back into drug use due to it. Then he entered a drug rehab program. It was at this program where he described being in a catatonic state where people would talk to him and he could not even hear them or acknowledge them because he was off in some other hellish dimension. He described laying on a mattress on the floor and hearing crows caw out the window and feeling like his soul was being torn up. I was shocked at how accurate my dream had been. Then he said he snapped out of it and eventually was able to leave the rehab program. I wondered if it was due to what I proclaimed that day for him about being raised from the dead. I never told him about the dream I had or the prayer.

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He said that after he left the program he got his own apartment with the help of his family, then he met a Chinese woman and got engaged to her. I was kind of surprised by that because the last time we spoke he was telling me he hated Chinese food. I knew that we had already had the discussion about how fornication was wrong so he knew better. He was now trying to seek God once again. He told me that the woman he was involved with was a Buddhist. He already knew the scriptures about being unequally yoked. I didn't even have to tell him that. He was trying to abstain from relations with the woman and stay away from drugs. But his oppression was so bad that he was having trouble coping on a daily basis. The voices in his head were always bashing him. At night he'd go walking around the city he lived in starting at 9:00 at night straight through till 5:00 am. He simply would walk around and around all night long every night rather than stay home alone in his apartment being harassed by demons. This was really crazy behavior. I couldn't imagine that level of torment. He told me he decided to leave his girlfriend when one day he saw a huge black spector at the foot of their bed. I said to myself, "God is working on him. I really don't need to advise him or interfere." 

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I told him to enter one of David Wilkerson's Teen Challenge drug rehab programs because they approach drug addiction from a Christian perspective. I knew he really needed a Christian grounded program because these secular programs weren't working. I remember him typing that the pull to go and do drugs was so strong and he was afraid of falling again. That's when one day I prayed that if Alex ever did fall for that temptation that he'd get fake drugs instead. I didn't even pray that in much faith, but that prayer actually got answered!  I was really surprised the day he typed to me to tell me that he fell to the temptation to go buy drugs. Then he brought them home only to find out they were soap flakes. He said, "I think God was telling me to clean up my act."  I was laughing telling God that was a good one. I knew God had cared about him. At this point I'd never even heard Alex's voice or seen his picture but felt like I knew him so well. 

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Then one day he sent me a picture. I was kind of surprised because I thought he was perhaps a black person because he had said he was from Africa. But, he was a white person with a shaved head. I was surprised that he didn't have any hair too. I was also surprised that he was actually handsome. The way he put himself down and talked about himself you would have thought he was ugly, but he wasn't.  He was still very timid about talking to me which was fine. I was here to lead people to Christ not gain friends.  I felt like he was getting somewhere now. He talked about wanting to get baptized. He was headed in the right direction. In text chat he told me not to worry about him anymore. That was a relief because I had always worried about people's souls. I don't know if anyone is like me, but the reality of hell is so real for me due to my experience, that I didn't want anyone to end up there. To this day I literally worry about the souls of people around me that are not saved.

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I prayed for God to send someone to come along who could counsel him and be there for him because I just couldn't. I had three older autistic kids and several other younger typical children and problems in my marriage. The last thing I needed was to be talking to men on the internet trying to take care of their demonic problems. I had enough of my own problems. God was gracious enough to send along a woman from Brazil named Suzanne that Alex met on line. She'd stay up with him every night over the computer talking to him, praying for him, sending him music. I was so glad for that. All I had done was send Scripture emails. This was much more of what he needed. This prevented him from walking the streets at night. I was relieved. He had been like an additional child I had to look after. I even sent him a message one day to say goodbye to him officially in a nice friendly way. He never even knew I had marriage problems and I wasn't about to tell him. I had a strict code that I never talked about my marriage with other men on the internet. I only witnessed to bring both men and women to Christ and if needed told my testimony and sent them scripture and kept it to that. I would also pray if I felt led to do so.

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Well, lo and behold, when he got the message of me saying goodbye to him he promptly got my phone number from someone on Pal Talk, and much to my surprise, he called me. Having been to afraid to talk to me for years to suddenly calling me. I have to tell you, I was very surprised. For a man that had been afraid to talk he had a lot to say! He told me that he was not going to let me go and that he was going to stay around so much so that I'd get sick of him. I thought it was kind of funny to put it that way. Seeing as he had rejection problems I wasn't about to tell him no. Then he went on to tell me all about how he's thirty something but feels like a child or teenager. He said he's naive like a child too. I wasn't disagreeing. Even my own husband at the time said he thought Alex acted more like a sixteen year old mentally. Well, what was I to do after that? I was still there for him, but barely emailed him anymore. I have to admit, like a worried mother I'd go check Pal talk to make sure he was talking to Suzanne and sure enough he was talking to her every night. I felt like he was in safe hands. Pal talk had a feature that showed whether you were on line or not. I'd see that he and Suzanne were always on at the same time. 

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By January 2004 Alex got baptized. He said that his father was the only one to attend his baptism. I was very happy for him. I knew he wasn't out of the woods yet so I silently still was his friend. He had no idea about the chaos going on in my own life. As inadequate as he felt, he was always there to offer a prayer or a word of encouragement to me even as plagued as he was. He'd always call me "ma'am" via email or text chat. We didn't talk on the phone after that one call. I would just get emails now and then and respond now and then.

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I was pretty much a "shut-in" due to having three autistic children. I was overwhelmed, and going out to socialize with people was impossible. I only was provided enough respite help to go the grocery store alone as my only outing. Going to church was attempted several times and it only led to disaster due to the children's behaviors at church. We even got kicked out of a Church one day on Easter Sunday right there in front of the whole congregation. I remember that morning I had gone to great lengths to get the children all ready and in their best Sunday Easter outfits. It was no easy task getting three disabled kids ready who can't do anything for themselves, then a bunch of toddlers. At the time I had eight children. I thought I could remove the children after the singing. I guess that was a bad idea as one of the children made a noise during worship. I was used to taking the children out after the music in most churches and going into a back room to sit with them myself to watch them as most nurseries were not equipped to watch them. But, this day the pastor stood at the pulpit and pointed to me and said in a loud voice, "You! Get out!" I was in utter shock. It was one of the worst days of my life. Here I was so happy that I had made all my children look so adorable. It was my dream to have a big family. I grabbed the carrier my little baby girl was in and their father put the other kids in their double stroller, and the older children just walked. My disabled kids had no idea we were being kicked out. I don't even know what my little ones thought, but they did see mommy crying. 

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At home my only fellowship were Pal Talk Bible study chat rooms. That's where I'd listen to music with several other people and we'd have scripture studies and discussions. No one really bothered to be my friend except Alex. My very messed up friend that I couldn't get rid of even if I tried. He cherished every little nugget of scripture I gave him or whatever insight I had. To him it was like receiving some kind of treasure. We didn't talk that much anymore because of Suzanne for which I was grateful because my plate was full. I was however thankful to be appreciated for offering the gospel. It truly was the treasure of my heart to give whoever would listen. My savior, my God, was my most cherished thing in this dismal world, and someone appreciated that. He wanted and cherished my savior too. This was around the time Alex made a Power point presentation for Jesus. The picture quality on his old You Tube channel isn't very good quality. I found the original Power point and re-downloaded it on my channel below.

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Eventually, like many friendships, people drift apart. We drifted apart and I didn't talk to him until about three years later.

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Click here for Chapter - I Need You to Survive