Good afternoon sis...

 

I am writing you in another PC cause my PC is not working anymore... the motherboard blew up. So I can only start by asking you not to forward me any e-mails on my other address cause I am not able to view them.

 

Now as for what is happening to me is out of my own understanding, the

only thing I know is that I went to see my family doctor and he is now going

to make me see a psychiatrist cause he sais that my physical as well as my

hearing problems derive from anxiety!!!

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And what I am clearly seeing is that something happened that triggered all of this but I am not certain what it is exactly! I am very preoccupied sis cause what I went through the last month and a half was something that I was sure I would lose it!

 

I was not able to sleep for a whole month and a half and I mean not

sleep at all:  I dozed off from time to time but was unable to go into a sleep

cycle so after 3 weeks like that, I started to become real paranoid as if

something was actually causing this.

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Every time I tried to have a moment of quietness, a sound popped up, or

a crack, or the phone or whatever came to interfere with my peace of

mind.

 

Then I started to feel very cold with many suicidal thoughts. Then I had a syncope, I fell unconscious to the ground for some seconds. Then all the left part of my body started to have spasms and my right arm became kinda crippled and I wanted to make it come back as it was and it would only come back normal after some time of concentration.

 

Then I went to see the doctors and they could not detect anything unusual... then I had this excruciating pain on my stomach.

 

I never went through anythin like this Kasia. So now I am taking smooth anxiety pills to help me to relax at night cause my right ear causes me to have low vibrating humming sounds and my right ear has all the high pitch sounds, my smell has also been affected: all the smells are just too strong!

 

I have asked the pastor to anoint me with oil and to be honest, I started to have even more anxiety, but after a while it started to get smoother as I found a way to be able to rest a bit with the anxiety pills.

 

Throughout all of this, as I was unable to sleep, I could actually see distorted faces of people I knew and also I would hear all this condemnation and I would always see a rope and me attached to it by the neck!

 

Now this passed week I have been at my sister's and I need to have

someone with me almost all of the time cause I get real frightened!

 

My body is hurting me and I have this humming low vibration non stop in my ears and the doctors tell mee I have nothing ! It has been 3 months now that I am not able to sleep in a bed, the only thing I found to be comforting for a while is a kind a sponge mattress!

 

What's wrong with this picture ?  As for me going to have an evaluation with a psychiatrist, it really stresses me out cause I am worried that they might give me some pills that will worsen my ''delicate'' condition as we speak.

 

I am not able to concentrate as I used to, when people talk to me , I

seem to not ''be there'' and I had this feeling that something is tormenting

me,,, also all the ''black'' music I used to hear in my teenage and even

as a young adult tend to come back to my mind and I just freak out !

I feel so much guilt and so much condemnation that I just don't know

how I am still able to be alive !

 

I know one thing though, if it were not to the Lord Jesus, I would probably have lost it already.

 

But I am afflicted as never before and the thing is that I went to see another pastor to talk to him and he said it would be better for me to go to my actual pastor and also that I should not talk about what I went through with others cause it would frighten them and he told me I seemed to be pretty much unstable, and I would have to agree with him, but I never had gone through such a despairing moment in all of my life !!!!

 

PS:  As for your children caught with autism, the only thing I can tell you sis is that I came across a man that has all of Dr. Hulda Clark's books and he told me that autism is caused my some solid metal molecules that get caught in the brain cells and that it can be removed with 2 chemical ingredients that Dr. Clark talks about in her book. That man's wife was supposed to have died about 8 years ago and she is still living.  I saw her with my own 2 eyes.

 

That is all the strength I have for now sis. I wish I could give you better news but that's really not the case... not for now anyways.

 

May God continue to protect all of your family sister K, in Yeshua's

Name.

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